Trapped (Alpha Sigma Omicron #1)

Chapter One

I looked at the ring with so much happiness as I recalled the night I said yes to Dylan. Para pa rin akong nasa alapaap sa tuwing naalala ko kung paano akong na-surpresa at umiyak habang nakaluhod siya sa harapan ko hawak ang singsing ng kaligayahan. It was just a simple dinner but it turned out to be one of the best nights of my life. Heto nga’t magiging Mrs. Dylan Aiden Carter na ako. Ang sarap sa feeling!

Aramis Eduardo-Carter. Hm-hm. Isn’t it beautiful?

When I was a kid, I was often asked what I wanted to be for my future self. Unlike the other kids, iba ang madalas kong sagot. I didn’t want to be a teacher, nor any other professional in the field.

Simple lang ang gusto ko, gusto kong mag-asawa at magkaroon ng anak. Because I wanted a family so much. Pamilyang totoong kabilang ako. I was lacking of that so-called family growing up.

Madalas ko iyong hanapin noon. But then, I realized some things, if they didn’t want to be found, they would stay hidden.

Dylan came along in the picture of my boring life. With him, the dream I had years ago was slowly becoming reality. Hindi lang basta siya sumulpot sa buhay ko, what mattered the most, he stayed with me after all those years.

May pangako pa siyang kasal. I was just so happy. Ito ang pangarap ko kahit sabihin pang shallow. This is what I wanted ever since I was young.

Perfect boyfriend si Dylan. Sa limang taon naming pagsasama, hindi niya ako pinaiyak sa frustration o kahit anong kagaguhan. He made me feel so loved and cared for. He was a prince charming in every girl’s dream  iyong tipong wala na akong hahanapin pa.

Siguro mayroon akong nagawang magandang bagay sa past life ko, kaya naman biniyayaan ako ng caring, sweet, faithful and perfect boyfriend sa present time. Hindi naman ako kagandahan pero ang haba ng hair ko, rejoice kasi ang shampoo ko.

Masaya akong ikakasal kay Dylan. But the process of this whole wedding thing was somehow frustrating. Ang dami palang isipin sa kasal. Dylan insisted to hire a wedding planner pero hindi ko tinanggap. Maling-mali na hindi ko iyon tinanggap. Kasama sa pangarap ko noon ang magplano ng sariling kasal. Gusto kong ako ang kikilos at masusunod para sa pinaka-espesyal na araw ng buhay namin ni Dylan. Hinayaan niya ako sa gusto ko.

Isa pa, ang laki ng gastos. Alright, mayaman sila Dylan. I also have a job that supports me   at least I have a decent salary, pero to be practical, hindi naman kailangan ng bonggang kasal. Kahit civil wedding, okay lang sa akin.

Hindi ako mapaghanap, ang gusto ko lang ay maikasal sa kanya. What I prioritize the most is what comes after the wedding. Ayoko naman ng grandiyosong kasal pero maghihirap naman kami pagkatapos o mabaon sa utang. Ang diyahe!

Binuklat ko pa ang ilang pahina ng brochure pero wala pa rin akong magustuhang gown. I hate it, pakiramdam ko walang gown na pupwede sa akin. The gowns are all perfect    they are too perfect, to the point na hindi sila babagay sa akin.

I want something conservative yet sophisticated cut of gown. Nag-set ako ng appointment sa isang kilalang designer. I’ll visit her place in Ayala, Makati   she’s making a name in the fashion industry and she’s the sister of my best friend, Rainbow    they were not on good terms but I like her creations. Wala namang masamang maging casual sa isa’t isa. It’s not my story to tell.

“What’s with the frown?” I almost jumped out of my seat.

Napatigil ako sa pagbubuklat ng brochure at hinarap ang bagong dating. She surprised me. “You seemed frustrated. Anong atin?” Xiana smiled at me as she pulled the chair.

I smiled back. “Hi. What are you doing here?” tanong ko sa magandang dilag na nasa harapan ko.

Xiana’s my cousin from my father’s side. Anak siya ni Uncle Lucas, who happened to be my boss as well and being his secretary isn’t a good thing at all.

He’s cold towards me    parang hindi niya ako pamangkin. Pinasadahan ko siya ng tingin nang maupo siya sa upuang kaharap ko. She has an angelic face and she’s liberated    not that I’m against with that    she’s so sweet. She was wearing a fitted leather dress, emphasizing her curves.

Maybe, I’m really old-fashioned, kaya hindi ako makarelate sa mga dresses na nauusong style ng damit ngayon. Pang-FHM ang katawan talaga nito. 

Tumawa ito. Even her laugh sounds sophisticated and perfect. Ibinaba niya ang kanyang pouch sa side table. “Ikaw lang ba ang pwede rito, dear cousin? The place seems cozy, huh?”

My cheeks reddened, I pouted trying to be cute. Mukha lang akong tanga. Hindi talaga ako papasa sa standards ng cute o maganda. The only asset that I have   ang mga mata ko. They are bluer than the sea and really expressive, according to my bestfriend. Kasing-kulay ng mga mata ko raw ang isang hollywood star, si Alexandra Daddario. I felt like it was a compliment.

“’Wag ka nga, Xia. Nag-order ka na ba? They have the best iced coffee here.” I told her enthusiastically. “Sobrang sarap! Promise, hindi exaggerated!” Itinaas ko pa ang right hand ko para counted iyong promise ko.

She shook her head slightly. May konting ngisi ang kanyang labi. “I am done ordering the classic frappe before I went to see you, dear cousin. I’ll try their iced coffee next time. Kapag masarap talaga, binabalik-balikan, right?” Her smirk grew wider.

Naubo ako sa patutsada niya kasabay nang pamumuo ng makahulugang ngisi sa labi ko. I sipped a mouthful of iced coffee. Pinahid ko ang gilid ng labi ko ng tissue.

“Double meaning ba iyon, Xia?” I laughed. “Who’s your lucky boy toy now? Hindi mo pa pinapakilala sa akin.”

Hindi niya magawang makasagot nang dumating ang kanyang order. Mukhang distracted iyong bartender nang makita ang pinsan ko. Lalo akong napangiti. Men fall for her charms so quickly. Kaya niyang magpaikot sa kanyang palad ng mga lalaki. Not just one, but several unlucky beings. She dumped them after the fun.

Xiana Eduardo has genes to die for, unlike myself.

“Thanks,” She winked at the poor guy.

Halos mataranta ito sa paglapag ng order ni Xiana sa table namin.

Tumawa ako nang malakas pagkaalis ng lalaki. The customers near us looked at me like I was some kind of joke. Napanguso ako at umayos ng upo. Nag-apir kaming dalawa ni Xiana. That was a good laugh. Ipinilig ko ang aking ulo para tumigil ako sa pagtawa. I took another sip of my iced coffee.

“So, back to my first question, what happened? Bakit ganyan ang ayos ng mukha mo kanina?” tanong nito habang sumisimsim ng order niyang kape.

Muli akong bumaling sa brochure. I scanned several pages of the designs. Inginuso ko ang brochure. “Well, kinda frustrated. Alam mo na, preparation for the wedding,” I sighed.

She stopped and stared at me for awhile. It seemed like something crossed her mind but she smiled again. “Endure it, ginusto mo ‘yan.” Tinawanan pa niya ako. “That’s why I don’t want to settle e. Sa kasal pa lang ang dami ng isipin. Let me see the gowns, hm?”

I handed her the brochure.

“Talaga lang ha? But you’re dating this mystery guy. Ayaw mo namang ipakilala sa akin. Nakakatampo ka, wala kang balak pakasalan siya? Pinapaasa mo lang? Kasi if it were me, I wouldn’t settle in a relationship kung hindi ako sigurado sa isang tao na sa kasal ang bagsak namin. I mean, just like my parents, first love nila ang isa’t isa. I want my first love to be my last love also.”

Hindi lahat hindi nabibigyan ng ganoong pagkakataon. Sa iba, first love was just a scar and a lesson. It was rare that the first love would also be the last love—true love. Suwerte ako.

She shrugged. Bumahid sa mga mata niya ang emosyong hindi ko naman mapangalanan. “But you weren’t me. Silly, you really believe in that. Let’s see,” ngumisi siya sa akin.

Mas lalo akong naintriga pero hindi ko na inusisa iyon. There was awkwardness in the air. Sometimes, I got too cozy with someone. Nagiging reckless ako sa mga sinasabi. I hadn’t thought my words were offensive until they offended someone I was talking with. I know I should be really careful, words hurt like knives.

Maybe, she was serious this time. Kinikilatis niya munang maigi bago ipakilala sa amin. Honestly, I want her to settle with one good guy. Kagaya ni Dylan. Iyong alam kong hindi siya lolokohin at titiyagain ang buong pagkatao niya.

“How was the preparation?” pag-iiba nito sa usapan. I didn’t mind. Relieved pa nga akong iniba niya ang usapan.

I pouted again. “Ini-stress ako. Medyo hectic din kasi ang trabaho sa office kaya hindi pa ako ganoon ka-hands on,” seryoso kong sagot.

She shook her head. “I should really tell papa to give you an early leave,”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. “No! You don’t have to tell uncle anything. Okay lang talaga, promise. Hihingin ko na lang iyong extra leave para sa honeymoon.” Ngumisi ako at nag-thumbs up. “It’s all good, Xia. Thank you!” pagtanggi ko sa offer niyang early leave kahit sumasayaw ang aking tainga sa narinig.

Nakakaakit ang offer ng pinsan ko pero baka mas lalong pag-initan ako ng kanyang ama. Mabuti na lang hindi siya ganoon ka-persistent.

Nawala na sa isip ko ang pagpili ng gown. We talked a lot of things. Lahat ng pwede naming pag-usapan, ginugol ko na sa free time ko hanggang naisipan niyang lisanin ang coffee shop. She had an important meeting to attend to, which I think sa mystery dude niya. She looked excited about the meeting but she hated meetings before. I didn’t tease her about that. Kinindatan niya at beneso ako bago siya umalis ng cafe.

Xiana’s the closest to me among my relatives. My relatives including Uncle Lucas and Aunt Victoria. Kung hindi dahil sa kanya, hindi na ako maninirahan sa kanila nang dekada. Sabagay, I have no other place to barge in.

I had a very complicated life. It started when my parents died at my early age. Kinupkop ako nila uncle. They became my guardians. At hanggang ngayon sa kanila pa rin ako tumitira. I can’t just leave them like that. Ang sama sa pakiramdam, parang hindi ako marunong tumanaw ng utang na loob kahit matagal ko nang gustong gawin. Hindi ko magawa.

I was never welcome in their household. They never treated me as part of the family aside from Xiana, but they provided me with everything I needed hanggang sa makatapos ako ng kolehiyo. I am still grateful for the things they did.

Minutes later, my phone vibrated indicating a call. It was Uncle Lucas. Pinapabalik na ako sa opisina para kuhanin ang documents na dadalhin sa Carter Layouting Press na pagmamay-ari ng pamilya ni Dylan.

He can send another employee but he still chose me. Wala na iyon sa trabaho ko. Isa pa, hindi pa tapos ang break ko. Lagi namang ako    not that I’m complaining, pero sa other circumstances, siguro. But I have so much respect for him. Kahit hindi ito ang natapos kong degree, ito ang pinili kong trabaho. Pagtanaw ng utang na loob for their generosity over the years.

Hindi naman ako nahirapang nakarating sa kompanya ng mga Carter dahil mismong sasakyang pagmamay-ari ng Daily Journal ang naghatid sa akin. 

Nakangiti ako sa pagpasok, binati ako ng ilang empleyado na nakakakilala sa akin nang dumaan ako sa lobby. I brought some cookies and coffee, binili ko sa café kanina. I wanted to stay a little longer. We hadn’t seen each other for days. He had some errands to attend to out of town. Para sa kompanya nila iyon. He wanted to bring me, pero dahil sa trabaho ko hindi ko nagawang sumama.

Tumawag pa si Dy kanina, kararating lang niya sa siyudad at miss niya raw ako. I missed him, too. So bad.

I looked at myself intently in the elevator wall. Suot ko ang plain black office skirt and white polo na pinatungan ko ng black office suit. Sinuklay ko pa ang aking buhok gamit ang kamay na walang bitbit. Nagliwanag ang mga mata ko ng tumunog ang elevator.

Surprisingly, wala si Kim na sekretarya ni Dylan sa table nito sa labas ng opisina. It was very unlikely of her knowing it was office hours. Maybe, she was in the restroom. Hindi ko na lang pinansin at nagpatuloy na ako sa paglalakad papasok ng opisina. I texted Dy before I went to his office. Ini-expect niya ang pagpunta ko.

Bumungad sa akin ang opisina niyang walang tao. There was no one inside the office. Bahagyang nangunot ang noo ko sa nadatnan. Dy told me he was here already. Asan na iyon? Miss na miss ko na siya. I wanted to see him badly.

Lumapit ako sa table at inilapag doon ang mga papers na dala ko pati ang coffee and cookies na para sa kanya. Inilabas ko ang phone ko para i-text siya.

To: Love

I’m here at your office. Where are you? Miss you and love you. Can’t wait to see you xoxo : )

Sent.

Instead of having a reply, I heard a phone vibrated on the table. It was Dy’s phone. Hindi ko iyon napansin kanina, natatakluban ito ng ilang papeles. I knew my boyfriend, hindi iyon nag-iiwan ng gamit ng basta. He was probably just around.

Isa lang ang alam kong pwede niyang puntahan, well, aside sa comfort room. He was on his private room here in the office. Tuwing mayroong overtime kapag masyadong maraming gawain, hindi na siya umuuwi pa. He would stay in his private room to get some rest and enough sleep. It was convenient for him. Hindi na siya mapapagod pang magmaneho pauwi.

I smiled. Mabilis kong tinungo ang private room sa office niya. My boyfriend was probably tired with the errands he attended out of town. He deserved all the rest he could get. Bilang girlfriend niya, kailangan ko siyang alagaan.

Nabitin ang ngiti ko sa ere nang makarinig ako ng ingay galing sa kwarto. Natigilan ako sa paghakbang, pakiramdam ko ay napatda ako sa kinatatayuan ko. The smile I had plastered on my lips slowly disappeared. Huminga ako nang malalim bago humakbang muli. My heart started to race fast.

Inhale. Exhale.

Kinalma ko ang sarili ko. I even fanned myself using my palm. Kailangan ko nang maraming hangin para maging rasyunal ang pag-iisip. I never experienced it firsthand, but I knew those sounds. They were moans of two people doing the nasty. Makamundong ungol iyon nang nasasarapan at naliligayahan sa piling ng isa’t isa. How am I hearing that in Dylan’s private room? Nanonood ba siya ng porn ng ganitong oras?

Wala akong ideya sa mararamdaman ko. I was having mixed emotions. Natatakot ako. Kinakabahan. May confusion at pagtataka. My emotions were all over the place.

Nang maging kalmado ako, I raised my fist to knock on the door. Kitang-kita ang pag-alon ng kaba sa aking kamay. Hindi nito magawang lumapat sa pinto. Nagha-hyperventilate ang buong katawan ko.

I needed to see it myself whatever was happening inside that private room.

Sana mali ang marumi kong isipan. It was not my boyfriend. Baka si Kim? Kim and Dylan? Oh, no. I shook my head.

My hand was trembling as I held the door knob. The moans became clearer, meaner and louder.

“Ahhh… shit, faster baby, oh… please, t-take me deepeeer…” The girl’s voice was seemingly familiar. I knew that voice, but my mind was too clouded to recognize it.

What am I supposed to feel? What am I supposed to believe? Right now, I was so numb and just wanted whatever shit I was in to be over. My sweet boyfriend was not capable of cheating on me. Ni minsan hindi niya ako pinaiyak. Why would I doubt now?

Limang taon.

Dylan would not waste five years for nothing. Pinangakuan niya ako ng kasal. Malapit na kaming ikasal. We had plans already. May napili na kaming venue at simbahan.

Hindi… hindi niya magagawa.

“Yes, Dy… ah! H-hit that spot, uh, please… You are so good, baby…” the woman moaned so loud, it hurt my ears. Hindi lang tainga ko ang nasaktan. Sinaksak noon ang buong pagkatao ko. Bumaluhong na ang pinipigil kong luha. They were moving like waterfalls. Sunod-sunod at walang palya.

Despite my defensive mechanism, it was Dylan on the room. Kahit anong pagtanggi kong gawin, it was my boyfriend having sex with someone else. Hinawakan ko ng mahigpit ang door knob at unti-unti iyong binuksan.

Mas lalo akong nanghina sa nabungaran. My knees weakened at the sight of two people devouring the heat. Parang tumigil ang pag-inog ng mundo ko. The tears flowed uncontrollably as my heart pounded with so much intensity, almost wrecking my insides. Traydor ang mga luha. I wanted to scream at the both of them for betraying me. Hindi ko mahanap ang sarili kong boses.

Oh my.

How dare he? How dare she? Why the fuck it hurts so bad?

Hindi ako makagalaw sa puwesto ko. I was stupefied.

I wanted to wake up from this terrible nightmare. Pakiramdam ko bangungot lang ito. Gusto kong pigilan ang mga luhang pumapatak sa mga mata ko. Gusto kong maging matatag sa harapan nila. Gusto kong maging matapang habang kinokompronta sila. But I was not that strong enough to make the tears and the pain stop. It was not even bearable.

 Namamanhid ang buong katawan ko pero hindi magawang mamanhid ng puso kong nasaktan. I can’t even think straight.

Halatang nagulat si Dylan sa paglingon sa gawi ng pinto. He froze on the spot as he saw me outside the door. Just the look on his face, he was guilty. Sobrang sakit noon para sa akin. How could he do this to me?

Binalot naman ng kanyang katalik ang kanyang katawan ng kumot. She smirked. “Surprise!”

Mas lalo akong napaiyak. Why? My mind was asking several whys.

“Ara…”

His voice was supposed to be soft and music to my ear. It wasn’t. It didn’t sound like the Dylan I used to know. He seemed possessed by another persona I didn’t even know existed.

Si Dylan na malambing. Si Dylan na mahal ako. Si Dylan na hindi ako sasaktan magunaw man ang mundo. Asan ang Dylan na iyon? Because this Dylan was not my Dylan. Hindi ko siya magawang tingnan sa kanyang mga mata. All I wanted to do was get out of that hell-hole place I didn’t belong.

“Of all people, I didn’t think you could betray me…” Huminga ako nang malalim. Thankfully, my voice didn’t crack. “Dylan and Xiana… I trusted the both of you.”

Yes, it was my boyfriend and my cousin who betrayed me. The people I least expected to do something as terrible as cheating.

Pain. Betrayal. Anger. I can’t endure any of that. 

Nanghihina man ang mga tuhod ko, tumakbo ako paalis sa lugar na iyon. Pero mas mabilis si Dylan, he grabbed my wrist and he made me look at him.

“Aramis…” Mukha siyang tuliro. Ginulo niya ang kanyang buhok gamit ang kamay na hindi nakahawak sa braso ko. “It’s not what you think it is. It’s nothing, ikaw pa rin ang pakakasalan ko,” there was an unexplainable emotion in his eyes.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Lalo pa’t sa kanya nanggaling ang mga katagang iyon. How could he assure me that after seeing him having sex with my cousin? He was not drunk. Ni hindi iyon excuse para pagtaksilan ako.

“Kailan pa? May balak ka bang sabihin sa akin?” My lips were trembling asking the questions bugging my mind. Hindi siya nakasagot sa tanong ko. It was breaking me into pieces. More than anger, I felt deeply sorry for myself.

Nanginginig ang buo kong katawan at pagkatao, hinubad ko ang singsing at binigay iyon sa kanya. “Let’s call off the engagement. ‘Wag na tayong maglokohan pa rito. Bistado ka na,” wika ko at tuluyang bumitiw sa kanya.

“What?” He looked incredulously. “You’re being irrational. Pag-usapan natin ito.”

Hindi ko ito pinansin. Sunod-sunod ang mabilis kong yabag paalis ng opisinang pinagmulan nang pagkadurog ng puso ko. He called my name but I didn’t look back. Patuloy pa rin sa pag-agos ang mga luha ko. Ako pa iyong irasyunal.

“Come on, hun. Let us have more fun, I’m still wet and so bitin!” Xiana squealed from the office room.

If only I could shut my ear from hearing her, I would have done it. I was a mess inside. My eyes were puffy. I took a deep breath. Nanginginig ang tuhod ko, minabuti ko munang humawak ng suporta sa table na nadaanan ko. It was Kim’s table   Dylan’s secretary. I clutched my chest for a second. It was pumping hard and fast.

Sobrang sakit.

“Ma’am Ara    ” hindi ko pinanin si Kim, wala akong ideya sa ibang sinabi niya.

When I felt like I could continue walking away from my nightmare, dumiretso ako sa elevator. I closed my eyes as the doors shut.

Some of the employees were looking at me weirdly   alam kong mukha akong tanga. I didn’t care. It was the least of my concerns. I just got my heart shattered.

When was the first time they cheated? Why was I so oblivious? Why didn’t I suspect of anything? Oh, gosh. I hated myself for being stupid, for not seeing the signs. But clearly, there were no signs, no suspicious acts, nothing. He was too good to be true. He was a good guy, I would never ever be suspicious of him doing something behind my back.

My relationship with Dylan was too perfect. Too perfect, maybe, it wasn’t really existing at all. Stupid, Aramis.

Moments ago, I was living my own fairytale. I was engaged and soon to be married. I had a very loving boyfriend. May perfect relationship ako. Now, I was slapped by the harsh reality. Those things were lies. No matter how steady or perfect the relationship was, if he wanted to cheat, he would. Si Dylan ang depinisyon.

Tulala akong naglakad sa walang paroroonan. I was overwhelmed with how fast things happened in Dylan’s office. In a blink of an eye, there were many changes in my life. The most drastic one  from being happily engaged to being a brokenhearted single real quick. I sighed and stopped myself from walking farther.

Horns, they were too loud. My eyes were blinding by the rays. Nagsimula akong magtaka ng lalong lumakas ang paparating na tunog, nilingon ko ang aking paligid.

Gasping for air, I found myself in the middle of the highway with a sports car fast approaching in my direction. Nanlaki ang mata ko nang mapagtanto ko it. I was frozen on the spot, hindi ko magawang ihakbang ang mga paa ko pabalik ng sidewalk. Even if I did, it was too late.

Everything went blank.

***

Nagising akong masakit ang ulo. No, my whole body was aching. Hindi naman sobrang sakit, but I wanted to lie in bed all day. Gusto ko ng pahinga sa bigat ng pakiramdam ko.

I opened my eyes quickly to see the room’s unfamiliar interior design. Hindi pamilyar sa akin ang kwartong kinalalagakan ko. Mainly because, it was not my room. It wasn’t my room in Uncle Lucas’s mansion. Hindi rin ito ang kwarto ng apartment ni Rainbow. Nagsimula akong mag-panic nang ma-realize ko iyon.

It was a black and white theme, iyong couch lang ata ang naiiba ang kulay dahil medyo light brown ito. There was nothing special in the room. Wala itong kabuhay-buhay o kahit anong dekorasyon. Panlalaking kwarto base sa hinuha ko. Teka  what the hell happened? Pinilit kong alalahanin ang nangyari bago ako mapunta sa kwartong panlalaki ang design. Tuluyan na akong napabalikwas ng bangon.

Shit! Nasaan ako?

There, it hit me. Nanghihina akong napaupo sa gilid ng kama. Everything flashed back in my mind  lalo na ang cheating scheme ni Dylan at Xiana. Their moans were traumatic for me. Those were my agony. The memory felt like a nightmare. I wanted to cry again. But I was caught up with another situation. I was hit by a car and supposedly, I should be in a hospital room. I held back my tears, at least not yet. Kailangan ko ng presence of mind. This wasn’t the time to break down.

Muling bumilis ang pagtibok ng puso ko sa kaba. Ilang beses akong huminga nang malalim. Sinapo ko ang aking dibdib para pakalmahin ang aking sarili.

Mas lalong napaawang ang labi ko nang maramdaman ko ang manipis na tela. I was not wearing my formal attire anymore. Tanging shirt lang na may kanipisan ang suot ko. Maluwang iyon sa akin. Tanging undergarments lang ang pang-ibaba ko. Hindi ko suot ang kahit anong short o iyong pencil skirt ko.

Oh my God! Was I molested? I didn’t want to conclude things. Pero bakit ganito ang suot ko? I was almost not wearing anything! I checked myself, pinakairamdaman ko kung masakit ang pagitan ng aking mga hita. Wala akong naramdamang kakaiba. Maybe, it was too small to even deflower me?

Tuliro ako. Then, I laughed. Mababaliw na yata ako. I just felt the ridiculousness of the whole situation. Ganito ba kapag broken-hearted? Kung ano-anong naiisip ng aking utak. Seriously, but thinking the guy who tried to deflower me has small cock amused the hell out of me. Muli akong natawa.

May pasa at galos ang tuhod at braso ko. Malamang nakuha ko iyon sa pagkabangga ko sa sasakyan. I was expecting of the worst thing. Akala ko ilang araw akong mamalagi sa hospital na may nakakabit na iba’t ibang aparato. The situation was bad enough, ni wala akong ideya kung saan ako dinala nang nakabangga sa akin.

Muli akong tumayo para pakiramdaman ang sarili. Wala namang kakaiba akong naramdaman maliban sa mabigat kong puso at ilang galos. Dumiretso ako sa floor-length curtains at hinawi iyon para makita ko ang kabuuan ng siyudad. I knew, I was still in the city based on the atmosphere and the traffic. Napakataas ng kinatatayuan ng silid. Pansamantalang naaliw ako sa tanawin sa ibaba.

I sighed again.

I was never clueless in my life until this whole charade. Ni hindi ako sigurado kung anong dapat kong maramdaman. Namanhid yata ang buong katawan ko para hindi makaramdam ng kahit ano.

Afraid and lost. Para akong naghahanap ng bagay na hindi ko alam at hindi ko rin alam kung saan sisimulang hanapin. Bago pa tumulo ang luha ko, pinahid ko na iyon. Para rin akong zombie, hindi alam ang katuturan ng buhay, Nabubuhay sa wala at hindi alam ang dahilan. It felt like my whole world crashed.

I wandered around the room. Wala pa ring senyales ng taong nagdala sa akin sa kwartong ito. May isang pintuan doon na sa tingin ko tanging pinto upang makalabas. Kung tama ako, isang condo unit ito or hotel room. It wasn’t cheap. I searched for my things. Luckily, I found them in the bathroom. Sadyang malaki ang kwarto at may sariling banyo. The bathroom was insanely huge as well and it screamed money. Malulula ako kung sakaling maging akin ang gusali.

Dali-dali akong nagbihis. Kompleto ang mga gamit kong nadatnan sa sink. Mukhang mayaman naman ang nakapulot sa akin. Wala nga lang taste pagdating sa dekorasyon.

Inilabas ko ang lipstick kong dark red and wrote something on the mirror. Kitang-kita ako ang asul kong mga matang nakatingin pabalik sa sarili kong repleksiyon habang nagsusulat sa salamin. Nang matapos ako, mabilis pa sa alas kwatrong lumabas ako ng kwarto. Ayokong maabutan doon ng kung sino man. I was too afraid to face the culprit.

Walang tao sa sala. Hindi ako sigurado kung sala ang nilabasan kong pinto I sighed in relief. Nang makalma ko na ang aking sarili, hinawakan ko ang doorknob ng pinto pero natigilan ako ng may tumikhim sa likuran ko.

“Where are you going, lady?” his baritone voice said huskily. Pakiramdam ko’y sensuwal ang dating ng pagkakasabi niya. Mga tipo ng lalaki na makalaglag ng panty. Hindi dapat ako maapektuhan. I can’t deny, his voice was so manly, resonating arrogance and aristocratic dominance. Something stirred inside me. Yum!

Kinurot ko ang braso ko para tigilan ang mahalay na pag-iisip. I was in a stranger’s turf. It meant danger for me.

Ipinikit ko ang aking mata. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa doorknob. “Uuwi na ‘ko,” kalmado kong sagot kahit kabang-kaba ako. Ang bilis ng pintig ng puso ko!

Hindi ko siya hinarap. Natatakot akong harapin ang lalaki. Mahigpit kong kinapitan ang doorknob ng pinto at pinihit ito pabukas. Mabuti na lang at hindi ito naka-lock. Agad akong tumakbo palabas niyon. It felt like I tasted freedom.

Doon lang ako nakahinga. That was close. Mabilis pa rin ang tibok ng puso ko hanggang makarating ako sa malaput na elevator. Oh gosh! I remembered everything that happened back there even my writings on the mirror.

To the man who stole my virginity with his small penis,

I was not sure how I was supposed to address you properly. Thank you for taking care of me??? Yes, with question marks. Do me a favor, do not find me nor ever talk to me nor show yourself. But thank you, I guess…

Suspect pa rin siya kung sakaling may mabuong bata sa sinapupunan ko. Well, what the hell I am thinking?!

Baka nga maliit ‘yong kanya. And somehow, that calmed my nerves.

But I knew in my bones, whoever the culprit was, he didn’t do anything to my body.

TOC